Had a quite long disappearance there.. What can I say, had Issues.
Enyhow, now I'm back and hopefully for good. I really hope that I can make this process active and change the unpleasant parts of myself to something I can be happy with. And this doesn't only apply to the outside version (i.e. weight etc.) but to the inside as well, I want to be happy with who I am for the rest of my life.
I've had my struggles with depression. I still struggle with admitting that out loud. I don't mind admitting that I have needed help and propably still do need it from time to time for the rest of my life, but I feel like I'm being whiny as there's lot worse symptoms that I've experienced. Funny thing, isn't it, the internal feeling of having it all wrong. I've managed to go to the doctor at a phase that the diagnosis has been mild depression, and that mild is my problem as I know severe depression has a lot worse effect. My problem is that I know the things that trigger it for me, but in this day and age those things are not easy to avoid. So for me the only solution is to find a happy place with the rest of my life and then maybe I can stand the triggers better as everything else is working as counterweight to all negative.
Right now, though, the biggest issue is my weight. I know getting thinner isn't the answer to anything, but in a way it still is the key. For me, losing weight means so much more than just looks: more energy, easier clothing (including easier to sew that might wake my dear hobby), less athma symptoms, lessening the genetic package effects and so on. Looking better is of course a happy side effect, but my real inspiration is my helth in the future.
