Funny internal thinking

Had a quite long disappearance there.. What can I say, had Issues.

Enyhow, now I'm back and hopefully for good. I really hope that I can make this process active and change the unpleasant parts of myself to something I can be happy with. And this doesn't only apply to the outside version (i.e. weight etc.) but to the inside as well, I want to be happy with who I am for the rest of my life.

I've had my struggles with depression. I still struggle with admitting that out loud. I don't mind admitting that I have needed help and propably still do need it from time to time for the rest of my life, but I feel like I'm being whiny as there's lot worse symptoms that I've experienced. Funny thing, isn't it, the internal feeling of having it all wrong. I've managed to go to the doctor at a phase that the diagnosis has been mild depression, and that mild is my problem as I know severe depression has a lot worse effect. My problem is that I know the things that trigger it for me, but in this day and age those things are not easy to avoid. So for me the only solution is to find a happy place with the rest of my life and then maybe I can stand the triggers better as everything else is working as counterweight to all negative.

Right now, though, the biggest issue is my weight. I know getting thinner isn't the answer to anything, but in a way it still is the key. For me, losing weight means so much more than just looks: more energy, easier clothing (including easier to sew that might wake my dear hobby), less athma symptoms, lessening the genetic package effects and so on. Looking better is of course a happy side effect, but my real inspiration is my helth in the future.

About the name

I feel that the name of my blog is something I really need to learn. To me, it means that whatever my goal or misson or whatever you call it is, I need to remind myself that it is about doing the right decisions every day. I cannot change anything permanently by just saying today that this is it, and forget about it all the next day.

Now if only I can get my head around this.. it applies to a lot of things, and there have been some issues and latest some huge changes in my life that really make me reflect that I'm the only one who can change things for me - now I just to need to start acting the way I'm thinking, and that's hard, folks..!

Who? What? Why?

I need to do some changes to my life. And I need to do them for myself, not for others. But that is a endless swamp, so to speak, and maybe going public with it will help me to stick with it.

At this very moment, my biggest issue is my weight. I know I'm heavily overweight (some might say dangerously obese), and I know now is the time to do something with it before I destroy what's left of my health. It just needs some hard work, and I'm the master in avoiding that.

I spend my time at work and at home, enjoying knitting and sewing, reading and movies on my spare time. That is one contributing thing with my weight: I need to add working out to my list of things to enjoy. I used to go to gym, and learned to love both gym and classes and lost a good amount of weight with that, but then something happened, and I lost my interest. Fast forward 3 years, and here I am. I still do have a gym membership, but going there only very rarely doesn't help, and that is my nr.1 goal: to get back on track with the routine of going to gym.

My second goal is food-related: I need to learn to eat good food and limit the amount of goodies I munch. I've already started to include more veggies to my cooking, but it takes time to learn to eat enough fruits and vegetabler per day. Besides, it's also expensive this time of year - I love winter here but it has it's disadvantages :) i will not go on any diets, as I need to do changes for life, and  diets are only reasonable for a period of time. And please, don't bother to tell me I should go on low-carb, as that ain't going to happen - I love my carbs too much to give up on them!

I have also other dreams, but it isn't their time just yet. Right now I need to concentrate to my health, and keep dreaming of the other things.